I’m coming up on my 1 year anniversary since my Left Ventricular Assist Device (LVAD) was implanted last October 7th, 2011. It has brought to mind the many seasons I have gone through in just one year of living with this amazing piece of technology that has all but saved my life. Last year, I all but missed this transition of the end of summer to fall, which here in Minnesota is actually a really spectacular thing.
We are blessed to have four distinct seasons of weather during the year. True, we have a devastatingly cold winter, but that is the price we pay. Fall happens to be one of my favorite seasons of all in Minnesota. It is harvest time for corn, pumpkins, and other crops. The deciduous trees are in an explosion of colors that hit every spectrum of yellow, orange, and red. The weather is mild and not humid, and the nights are cool enough to entice a warm fire in an outdoor fire pit.
Life seems to mirror nature to a degree that we all have various seasons we travel in and out of as well.
The LVAD implant surgery was a long season for me. I was in the hospital for 40 days and nights trying to get healthy enough just to survive the surgery, and to become strong enough to return home after the implantation. I spent our 11th year wedding anniversary in the hospital, and was also in the hospital when my mother passed away. After the implantation on October 7th, my sole goal was to be home in time to have our 3 year old twins and 9 year old daughter enjoy Trick-or-Treating on Halloween. I made it home three days before Halloween to realize this goal.
The second season of LVAD was recovering from the surgery itself. They don’t really tell you, nor can they ever really prepare you for how your body will react to a major surgery, which includes your chest being cracked open for the implementation of the device. It took another four months after returning home for me to start feeling back to “normal” (as normal as I can be with this device). I went through several home visits with Physical, Occupational, and Cardiac rehab nurses in order to get to where I am today (working full time and chasing the kids around).
The third season of living with an LVAD seems to be where I am today – trying to regain as much of the activities of life in spite of the limitations on me based on the device. Once you get used to the basics of the device (which truly are a lot, I don’t want to minimize or trivialize the things I and other LVAD patients live with), you can start testing and pushing the boundaries. Please realize though that going an inch over the line seems pretty risky in boundary pushing for me!
This is an interesting and challenging season for me in many ways. On one hand, I feel better than I have in years, while on the other hand, I have a heart that is in end stage failure and can’t support my vital functions without the support that the LVAD provides. Some parts of my physical body may be as close to being dead material as they can be, yet I have never felt more alive than at any other time in my life.
There is an overarching season that also plays into this. I am on the heart transplant list waiting to be blessed with the gift of a heart from a donor. Because of my size, age, gender, tissue, and blood type (O+), I have been told that this season of waiting can be up to two or more years. It is something I cannot affect or control, so I must live in this season and cope with the facets.
The best thing about going through these seasons is that as the sun continues to rise and set, time passes, and seasons do change. It is important that I can mark their changing, as it reveals to me that I am still moving forward and not at a complete standstill, placing a life (that is too precious and valuable to waste) on hold with the expectation that It will be a perfect world with a new heart.
What seasons are you going through?